Ever wondered what happens when a disposable nappy makes it into the wash?

It ain't pretty. Little balls of that liquid absorby stuff everywhere. Ugh!

Shameless plug: ibreastfed.com

The reason I haven't been around much for the last few weeks is, yup, my new website:

ibreastfed.com

Please check it out and if you have an inspirational breastfeeding story to tell please use ibreastfed.com to share it with the world. Here's what it's all about:

I feel terribly sad for the many women out there who so dearly want to breastfeed their babies but don’t find the support they need when the odds are stacked against them. I created ibreastfed.com as a celebration for those of us who have battled through seemingly insurmountable breastfeeding problems and made it out the other side, and as a source of inspiration for those of us who are doing it tough right now.

Breastfeeding in special circumstances requires great dedication and perseverance. Unfortunately, we sometimes find it difficult to share positive breastfeeding stories within our parenting communities. There is often so much misinformation and guilt surrounding breastfeeding that is easier simply not to discuss it than to risk causing great offence by *bragging* about our own achievements, no matter how difficult they were to attain. The result is that many positive and moving stories of successful breastfeeding against the odds remain untold, when those exact stories are the ones that can encourage and inspire if heard by open ears.

ibreastfed.com aims to provide a safe but accessible place for women to share their breastfeeding success stories. As the collection grows, the stories on this website will include mothers’ experiences of breastfeeding babies who are small, sick, weak, sleepy, and who are unable to suck properly, digest effectively, and appear to be allergic to their mothers’ milk. I expect to include the experiences of mothers who have physical disabilities or conditions which have made correct positioning and attachment a challenge, who have had emotional/psychological/psychiatric hurdles to overcome, and who have breastfed through their own chronic or serious illnesses. I will have stories from mothers who have breastfed multiples, breastfed after breast surgery, breastfed despite never having quite enough milk, weaned then successfully relactated, breastfed adopted babies, and overcome many other challenging situations.

If you have an inspirational breastfeeding story to tell, please consider submitting it to ibreastfed.com. There are a few stories there already, but I need more of your stories in order to make ibreastfed the hub of breastfeeding inspiration that I hope it will become.

"Eating Disorder Mentality" Part 2 (at last)

continued from Part 1

I continued drinking the foul formula for a couple of months while I was building up my food intake again. It was a slow process. I was often really hungry and depressed and every few days would go on a bad-food binge, then react, then regret, then be good or a few days, then binge, react, regret. etc. I was not in a good headspace, and my attitude towards food remained screwed up for a long time, the binge cycle continuing.

At around 7 months a naturopath recommended some treatments which helped Little C’s reflux and gut but he still had painful eczema. He started solids at around 10 months. I was too paranoid about food to start earlier than that and I knew that the elemental formula (which I chose to see as more of a vitamin supplement than a food) would provide him with any extra nutrients that for some reason may not have been available in my breastmilk.

We started very slowly with Little C’s food… mainly stewed (or tinned) fruit and oat and rice-based stuff. He appeared to react strongly to dairy (although didn’t show a positive RAST test) and a few other things.

By 18 months he was eating a decent amount of food, although not much variety. Corn, oats and rice, beef, lamb, chicken, sweet potato, apple and pear… I think that was about it. I took him for a follow-up allergy test and the immunologist told me I needed to wean him off the elemental formula and breastmilk onto cow milk. He tried to convince me that there was no benefit to breastfeeding Little C beyond 6 months and that cow milk would be better. What??? I still don’t understand why milk made for herbivorous ruminant babies would be more beneficial to my child (or any human child) than human breastmilk…

Anyway, I didn’t take the immunologist’s advice on the cow milk but did walk away with a referral to see his dietitian-buddy. He and I thought perhaps she could help me with some ideas on foods for Little C and me. My diet was still far from normal and by that stage I loathed even thinking about food, let alone cooking, and I just had no idea about what to try next with Little C.

The dietitian appointment might have been okay if the woman hadn’t been totally incapable of comprehending how much I hated thinking about food, and why I was still in this bizarre binge cycle that I couldn’t seem to get myself out of. She told me I had an eating disorder mentality and sent me away with some recipes. I never even looked at the recipes when I got home. I already had a shelf full of recipe books that also didn’t get looked at. Why? BECAUSE I HATED FOOD, silly woman! In hindsight, she should have referred me to a psychologist… or someone. Gosh, I hate to think of this woman treating someone with a life-threatening eating disorder like anorexia nervosa. “Here, these recipes will solve everything!” So, on I continued with my bad eating habits and wonky attitude to food.

As of late last year Little C (at age 3) has been eating an almost entirely normal diet (minus sesame and nuts, and with limited egg). His skin and gut are fine. He has behavioural issues after eating junky foods, but I don’t think that’s unusual in his age group.

As for me, I’ve had a really hard time not attributing every rash or vomit or weird poo of Little V’s to something I have eaten. I still fall into an obsessive frame of mind about it every now and then, but I mostly eat quite normally. I even ate nuts a couple of week ago!! *shock* It’s really only in the last few months that I’m starting to feel okay about food again and am slowly getting back into meal planning and cooking. Poor ANM has not only been the sole money-earner but also the primary family cook for a long time. Ah, he is so patient with me, lovely man.

So what were the triggers for the beginning of my attitude shift, besides Little C finally being able to eat most stuff without the sky caving in? Two big things…

1. In February this year I went and saw a psychic, which is not something I’d ever done before. Without going into any details which might make you think I’m even more of a loon that you already do, she attributed my weird love/hate food thing to some past life stuff and told me I could let it go, because it wasn’t relevant to this life. Whether or not this is true, it’s something that I can direct myself to think about when I’m feeling overwhelmed with foody stuff, and it tends to calm me down.

2. I discovered and was brave enough to read the lovely blog, You’ll Eat It And Like It, where Chrissy so beautifully describes the intertwinedness (probably not a word, I know) of her love for food, cooking and her family. It gave me a whole new perspective on food and meals and cooking, and it made me realise that food prepared with love is infused with love and will not do the same harm as food that has been infused with hate or other negative emotions.

Ah, I feel like I'm finally over the big hump now. Not absolutely, totally okay yet, but well on the way at least.

Glad I finally got that out!

Hmmm

I was sure I already posted this note but ye olde memory must be playing tricks on me...

Aaaanyway, I promise the rest of the story is coming, and in a brand new somethingorother, which will be revealed very, very soon...

Thought of the day

I am always in the right place at the right time.

"Eating Disorder Mentality" Part 1

That's what the dietitian said was wrong with me.

Rewind...

When Little C (now 3.5) was very young, around 3 or 4 weeks old he developed a nasty rash on his face. Yeah, I know lots of babies get the hormonal rash thing around that age and it goes away, but Little C's didn't go away. It just got worse and worse. Around the same time he developed nasty reflux and I quickly became a human advertisement for baby vomit-scented clothing.

So being the good mum I am, I thought I'd try giving up a few foods to see if that helped him at all. I started by getting rid of dairy and wheat, then removed egg, and then gradually got rid of almost everything from my diet until I was eating only chicken and rice and drinking water. Little C improved a bit, but not much, and I lost around 30kg in 4 months. Woohoo, you might think, but it was not a healthy or fun way to lose weight.

Now the logical thing at this point would be to say "Stuff it, this isn't working. I'm going to start eating again". Unfortunately, every time I tried to reintroduce foods back into my diet Little C and I would both have bad reactions. It seemed as though excluding foods had actually made us more sensitive.

After many tears on the phone to the allergy clinic they eventually decided they could fit us in, so off we toddled expecting at least a plan of action to get us back on track and to stop me from losing any more weight. After five and a half hours of tests and lectures they sent us home with two tins of elemental (protein-free) formula. I cried and cried and cried. I had breastfed Mr T until he was nearly four and was a former NMAA (ABA) Counsellor for goodness sake. How could I give up on Little C at only five months?

So I weaned Little C... then I unweaned him the following day. I drank the revolting elemental formula myself, and continued on with my chicken and rice, gradually introducing a few other things along the way. If you've never tried elemental formula it tastes absolutely disgusting but is also bizarrely filling. I continued to give Little C a small bottle of formula every day or so. The allergy clinic people and some online *friends* had scared me enough with stories of kids who couldn't eat anything but refused to drink elemental formula because of the taste, so had to be tube fed. Ugh. Anyway, that's why I continued with the one bottle a day thing for Little C. I preferred for him to have a bit of the formula so that he would cope with the taste later if he was unable to tolerate solid food.

Stay tuned for Part 2.

Good stuff

It's Sunday so I thought I'd take a moment to take note of some good stuff that's happened in the last week.

I finally got around to cutting Little C's hair. It had grown to the length where people had begun assuming he was a girl... not that there's anything wrong with girls... I was one once.

Until now Little C has be terrified of having his hair cut so I've been cutting it in his sleep, which as you can imagine gets a little messy. This time ANM somehow managed to bribe him with some time on the Playstation, so there Little C sat while we cut his hair. ANM started the haircut, probably because he knew I'd never get around to it, and I finished it off. It's very short and looks a bit raggedy and moth-eaten, but not too bad for a couple of parents who have no clue about haircutting.

I saved a slater out of the bathroom sink rather than just swooshing it down the drain and didn't insist on the removal of a baby huntsman spider that has taken up residence in our hallway.

I have huntsman-phobia, which I'm attempting to overcome. It all began one day when I was a kid, probably around ten years old, as I was running my bath. Just for something a bit different on this particular day I decided to get undressed, then hop in the bath and then turn on the water. The only problem with my plan was that unbeknown to my small self there was a huntsman spider as big as a dinner plate hiding up inside the tap. Okay, perhaps I exaggerate but it certainly seemed like that big as it jumped all over my naked body after the massive fright it got when I turned on the tap.

*shudder*

I cooked a few nice meals for my family and actually enjoyed it. The cooking I mean. For the last few years I have detested even thinking about food, so this is a big thing for me. Must remember to blog about my "eating disorder mentality" sometime.

I babysat a friend's 2 year old daughter so she could go to an exercise class. It's been ages since I've looked after small kids other than my own. Her mum was so worried that she'd be all tantrummy and difficult for me but she was fine. She's such a sweet little girl.

I tidied the study, which for the last few months has been rather overwhelmed
with junk. We can now see the floor, and possibly even swing a cat.

Little V grew his first fang.

I'm sure there are lots of other things but I really must... extract... fingers... from... keyboard...

Flickr Friday - Trees

1. Carpeted path, 2. Lemons, 3. Canopy, 4. little bit paranoic, 5. Palm trees San Pedro Belize, 6. kaleidoscope, 7. metamorphosis, 8. Redbud leaves, 9. Ghost

A day late. Oh well. I'm a bit slow. It was most enjoyable!

Find out what Flickr Friday is all about over at Lazy Cow Designs.

Get a job

That's what Little C just said to me. Actually, it was more like "Get a jahb" with an American accent. I think he watches too much telly. Perhaps I should do something about that.

Dollhouse

I think this is my all time favourite Sesame Street clip. Such pure, innocent, screen-free fun. When my sister and I were littles we had a really cool dollhouse that I think my dad made and mum decked out with curtains and things. We definitely had teeny little plates and spoons like in this video. I don't remember having any actual little dolls, but maybe we did... The plates and spoons stick in my head more than anything else. Erm, not literally of course.



I love the cats. I love the laughter. I love how the destruction is all part of the fun.