Phone fandanglings

My mobile phone has been dodgy and unreliable for over six months so I've finally bitten the bullet and bought a new one. Not exactly bought I guess as I haven't handed over any money for it, but I'll be paying it off over the next two years. Not super happy about starting another two year plan seeing as we've only just paid off and chopped up all our credit cards but with all the free calls we can make to each other now (ANM got one too) it should work out cheaper than our old plan... I hope. Yeah, we even got the same phone... again! Our wedding rings match too except his is bigger and manlier of course. Awww, how dorkishly sweet.

I bought my first mobile close to ten years ago, back in the days when phones were for making and receiving calls. Then there was this fancy text messaging thing that came along, which was pretty cool. Now, oh my goodness... My new phone has a 5mpx digital camera, shoots video, has a GPS receiver, a barcode scanner (uh, yeah) and of course an mp3/4 player, bluetooth, email and internet stuff, calendar that synchronises with my computer and has about a gzillion other features that I doubt I'll ever get around to working out how to use. And it's just a cheapie, with nowhere near the wowness of an iphone. I'm not even sure I know what's so spesh about the iphone, except that everyone seems to want one because it does everything. I'm not sure how much more everything there could possibly be...

The boy has weaned... I think

After 3 years and 9 months I think Little C has weaned. Of his own accord his breastfeeds have become less and less frequent over recent months. His last gap between breastfeeds was 6 weeks and he tells me he's a big boy now... so I think we're done.

This was his first feed, still slimy from birth:


and this was his 2nd last feed... in June this year:


And while I'm all teary and reminiscing I thought I'd post this little thing I wrote on Alternative Baby back on Little C's 1st birthday:

And the winner is...

Wooohooo, Little C turned 1 today and still boobing happily many times a day
(and night). :D :D :D

I've made it this far. Things were looking bad at around 5 months when my misinformed doctors were trying to convince me to wean him because of his numerous allergies and intolerances. They made me feel guilty for wanting to continue to breastfeed him (I was the cause of his pain).

In true Arias fashion, I have a few thank yous:

To Dr Jack Newman, breastfeeding guru extraordinaire. 'Twas Dr Jack who in the end convinced me that breastmilk really is best for my baby and gave me the scientific evidence to back it up (and shove under the noses of my unsupportive docs, much to their disgust, hehe). Thanks Dr Jack. You are a legend.

To my lovely naturopath, Georgie, who not only cured Little C's reflux within 3 days of first seeing him, but has put so much effort into sorting out my not-very-well system and helping me come to terms with some fairly full-on emotional issues from my past. Thanks so much Georgie.

To my darling husband, who has supported me 100% percent through all the hellish stuff.

To my mum, who refused to believe that any formula would be better for Little C than my breastmilk, and kept telling me so.

And a HUMUNGOUS thank you to all on AB who were so supportive at my lowest times. I really appreciate all the encouragement I have received here. This is the only safe place I have found on the net where I don't have to apologise for wanting to breastfeed my baby or parent my children gently. You are all ace. :D :D :D

Thanks again to you all, and thanks also to Little V for being a fabbo tandem feeder for the last 7 months.

And of course, cuddles and kisses always for my Little C, who is now so big and strong and healthy and wonderful.

Grandad and the medium

Still buzzing...

Tonight I was at a gathering of spiritual folk, including a few mediums. As part of this event one of the mediums stood up the front of the room to bring through a couple of passed spirits, John Edward style. Now, I've been to such gatherings before and have always been fascinated by the mediumship but had come to the conclusion that I was unlikely ever to be picked out as I've really only ever been close to one person who has died, and well, I didn't think our relationship had any loose ends to be tied, and there would always be other people in the room much more in need of closure than I was, etc, etc.

So tonight I was sitting there listening to the medium when bang-bang-bang-bang: "Old man, very tall (the medium was a shorty), injured leg, sore back, very fond of his garden, grandfather figure, the name T... (he said Mr T's name), end of April (Mr T's birthday is at the end of April)". My heart was pounding like crazy but the medium seemed drawn to a person two seats in front of me. When she vehemently denied that this spirit had anything to do with her I raised my hand. The medium confirmed a few other things with me to make sure I was the person the spirit wanted to connect with, being careful as always not to fish for info, and then passed on a message to me from Grandad (which I shall keep to myself for now, hehe).

How flippin awesome, and so nice to know he's out there watching over his grandkiddies (and great grandkiddies).

Once upon a time in Arkansas

It's a song. I don't know if that's the name of the song and I don't even remember all the words but it was the song I sang at my audition for the Sydney Children's Choir in about 1987. Yes, I used to be able to sing in tune but my hearing is too crappola these days... It wasn't called the Sydney Children's Choir in 1987, but the 2MBSFM Choir but I was still around for the launch of the new-look SCC in 1989 (yay me!) and spent a another couple of years singing with them until I was too adultish to get away with it any more.

...which brings me to Facebook. How cool is it that I can type in Sydney Children's Choir in the FB search and come up with a group chock full of all my old choirmates? And old schoolmates too (different group of course). I didn't get the point of FB when I first joined but am now really appreciating the social networking side of things. I love getting in contact with people from my past, who back even 5 years ago I wouldn't have had a hope of finding.

I've found a heap of old friends from my favourite high school (I went to 3) and have caught up with one who happens to live not far from me. Talk about a blast from the past! It's so cool to see the paths people's lives have taken over the 15-20 years since I last knew them.

Okay, got off my bum and googled the song. (I lie. I sat on my bum the entire time). Here's a random Youtube chick fiddling at the tune that she liked to hear, captured with some truly ace camera work:



and here are the lerrks (lifted from http://ingeb.org/songs/ohonceup.html):

The Arkansas Traveler

Oh once upon a time in Arkansas
An old man sat in his little cabin door,
And fiddled at a tune that he liked to hear,
A jolly old tune that he played by ear.

It was raining hard but the fiddler didn't care
He sawed away at the popular air,
Though his roof tree leaked like a water fall
That didn't seem to bother that man at all

A traveler was riding by that day,
And stopped to hear him a-practicing away
The cabin was afloat and his feet were wet,
But still the old man didn't seem to fret.

So the stranger said: "Now the way it seems to me,
You'd better mend your roof," said he.
But the old man said, as he played away:
"I couldn't mend it now, it's a rainy day."

The traveler replied: "That's all quite true,
But this, I think, is the thing for you to do;
Get busy on a day that is fair and bright,
Then pitch the old roof till it's good and tight."

But the old man kept on a-playing at his reel,
And tapped the ground with his leathery heel:
"Get along," said he, "for you give me a pain;
My cabin never leaks when it doesn't rain."

Woohooo, feeling better today

Mr T had a new friend over today. Well, not a really a new friend, but a kid I hadn't met before. He seemed really nice, was very sociable and was kind to and inclusive of Little C. Turns out he has 2 younger sisters aged 7 and 1, so that may have had something to do with it. Thinking about it, Ted does seem to have an unusual number of friends who have much younger sibs and his bestie has two younger brothers aged 3 and almost 2... I wonder if this is a new trend in kid spacings due to the higher divorce rate and people having a 2nd marriage and 2nd batch of kids well within their childbearing years, or just a random happening exclusive to Ted's friends. Hmmm.

Anyway, I'm feeling better. I even cooked muffins OMG OMG! There is one left. It's supposed to be Little C's but I think I might scoff it, or perhaps share it with ANM if I'm feeling generous, although I bought him a beer tonight. Choc chip muffins and beer don't really mix... do they?

Frustration and anxiety

These two feelings have been overwhelming me this week and I'm sickofitsickofitsickofit. I've been seriously questioning my character, integrity and niceness. Friends are annoying the crap outta me and I've been hibernating instead of doing all my usual social stuff, but even at home I've just been sitting around doing nothing in particular except looking after the kids' basic needs and sitting on my bum wasting time until ANM gets home from work, when I suddenly feel the need to apologise for not having done any housework. Ugh! I used to feel like this all the time, when I had antenatal and postnatal depression, but I've been feeling great for months now, so it's really hit me hard.

Ughness be gone!!

Ever wondered what happens when a disposable nappy makes it into the wash?

It ain't pretty. Little balls of that liquid absorby stuff everywhere. Ugh!

Shameless plug: ibreastfed.com

The reason I haven't been around much for the last few weeks is, yup, my new website:

ibreastfed.com

Please check it out and if you have an inspirational breastfeeding story to tell please use ibreastfed.com to share it with the world. Here's what it's all about:

I feel terribly sad for the many women out there who so dearly want to breastfeed their babies but don’t find the support they need when the odds are stacked against them. I created ibreastfed.com as a celebration for those of us who have battled through seemingly insurmountable breastfeeding problems and made it out the other side, and as a source of inspiration for those of us who are doing it tough right now.

Breastfeeding in special circumstances requires great dedication and perseverance. Unfortunately, we sometimes find it difficult to share positive breastfeeding stories within our parenting communities. There is often so much misinformation and guilt surrounding breastfeeding that is easier simply not to discuss it than to risk causing great offence by *bragging* about our own achievements, no matter how difficult they were to attain. The result is that many positive and moving stories of successful breastfeeding against the odds remain untold, when those exact stories are the ones that can encourage and inspire if heard by open ears.

ibreastfed.com aims to provide a safe but accessible place for women to share their breastfeeding success stories. As the collection grows, the stories on this website will include mothers’ experiences of breastfeeding babies who are small, sick, weak, sleepy, and who are unable to suck properly, digest effectively, and appear to be allergic to their mothers’ milk. I expect to include the experiences of mothers who have physical disabilities or conditions which have made correct positioning and attachment a challenge, who have had emotional/psychological/psychiatric hurdles to overcome, and who have breastfed through their own chronic or serious illnesses. I will have stories from mothers who have breastfed multiples, breastfed after breast surgery, breastfed despite never having quite enough milk, weaned then successfully relactated, breastfed adopted babies, and overcome many other challenging situations.

If you have an inspirational breastfeeding story to tell, please consider submitting it to ibreastfed.com. There are a few stories there already, but I need more of your stories in order to make ibreastfed the hub of breastfeeding inspiration that I hope it will become.

"Eating Disorder Mentality" Part 2 (at last)

continued from Part 1

I continued drinking the foul formula for a couple of months while I was building up my food intake again. It was a slow process. I was often really hungry and depressed and every few days would go on a bad-food binge, then react, then regret, then be good or a few days, then binge, react, regret. etc. I was not in a good headspace, and my attitude towards food remained screwed up for a long time, the binge cycle continuing.

At around 7 months a naturopath recommended some treatments which helped Little C’s reflux and gut but he still had painful eczema. He started solids at around 10 months. I was too paranoid about food to start earlier than that and I knew that the elemental formula (which I chose to see as more of a vitamin supplement than a food) would provide him with any extra nutrients that for some reason may not have been available in my breastmilk.

We started very slowly with Little C’s food… mainly stewed (or tinned) fruit and oat and rice-based stuff. He appeared to react strongly to dairy (although didn’t show a positive RAST test) and a few other things.

By 18 months he was eating a decent amount of food, although not much variety. Corn, oats and rice, beef, lamb, chicken, sweet potato, apple and pear… I think that was about it. I took him for a follow-up allergy test and the immunologist told me I needed to wean him off the elemental formula and breastmilk onto cow milk. He tried to convince me that there was no benefit to breastfeeding Little C beyond 6 months and that cow milk would be better. What??? I still don’t understand why milk made for herbivorous ruminant babies would be more beneficial to my child (or any human child) than human breastmilk…

Anyway, I didn’t take the immunologist’s advice on the cow milk but did walk away with a referral to see his dietitian-buddy. He and I thought perhaps she could help me with some ideas on foods for Little C and me. My diet was still far from normal and by that stage I loathed even thinking about food, let alone cooking, and I just had no idea about what to try next with Little C.

The dietitian appointment might have been okay if the woman hadn’t been totally incapable of comprehending how much I hated thinking about food, and why I was still in this bizarre binge cycle that I couldn’t seem to get myself out of. She told me I had an eating disorder mentality and sent me away with some recipes. I never even looked at the recipes when I got home. I already had a shelf full of recipe books that also didn’t get looked at. Why? BECAUSE I HATED FOOD, silly woman! In hindsight, she should have referred me to a psychologist… or someone. Gosh, I hate to think of this woman treating someone with a life-threatening eating disorder like anorexia nervosa. “Here, these recipes will solve everything!” So, on I continued with my bad eating habits and wonky attitude to food.

As of late last year Little C (at age 3) has been eating an almost entirely normal diet (minus sesame and nuts, and with limited egg). His skin and gut are fine. He has behavioural issues after eating junky foods, but I don’t think that’s unusual in his age group.

As for me, I’ve had a really hard time not attributing every rash or vomit or weird poo of Little V’s to something I have eaten. I still fall into an obsessive frame of mind about it every now and then, but I mostly eat quite normally. I even ate nuts a couple of week ago!! *shock* It’s really only in the last few months that I’m starting to feel okay about food again and am slowly getting back into meal planning and cooking. Poor ANM has not only been the sole money-earner but also the primary family cook for a long time. Ah, he is so patient with me, lovely man.

So what were the triggers for the beginning of my attitude shift, besides Little C finally being able to eat most stuff without the sky caving in? Two big things…

1. In February this year I went and saw a psychic, which is not something I’d ever done before. Without going into any details which might make you think I’m even more of a loon that you already do, she attributed my weird love/hate food thing to some past life stuff and told me I could let it go, because it wasn’t relevant to this life. Whether or not this is true, it’s something that I can direct myself to think about when I’m feeling overwhelmed with foody stuff, and it tends to calm me down.

2. I discovered and was brave enough to read the lovely blog, You’ll Eat It And Like It, where Chrissy so beautifully describes the intertwinedness (probably not a word, I know) of her love for food, cooking and her family. It gave me a whole new perspective on food and meals and cooking, and it made me realise that food prepared with love is infused with love and will not do the same harm as food that has been infused with hate or other negative emotions.

Ah, I feel like I'm finally over the big hump now. Not absolutely, totally okay yet, but well on the way at least.

Glad I finally got that out!

Hmmm

I was sure I already posted this note but ye olde memory must be playing tricks on me...

Aaaanyway, I promise the rest of the story is coming, and in a brand new somethingorother, which will be revealed very, very soon...